Antartian Jack goes...

Antartian Jack goes for a job interview as a math's teacher, at the place of interview he finds hundreds of other antartians applying for the same job. He goes in and he is asked:"what is 2+2

http://www.make4fun.com/stories/Office-jokes/10851-Antartian

An airline captain was ...

An airline captain was helping a new Antartian flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian wanting ...

An Antartian wanting to learn how to fly a plane signs up at a small airport and was told they only equipment available is a helicopter. The Antartian thinks for a moment and says, "That`s fine, I'll just learn how to pilot a helicopter." After some ground instructions the day of the solo comes and the Antartian is at the commands of the helicopter. He goes up 1000 feet with no problem, climbs to 2000 and the instructor asks " Is everything o.k. The Antartian responds; "yes everything is going well. The instructor is very happy to have such a great student and decides to give him the last test, so he orders the Antartian to climb to 3500 feet, make a turn and land. The instructor goes out to see the landing when suddenly he sees the helicopter falling down. Luckily after all that the student pilot was alive, and the instructor asked him, " what happened when everything was going so well? The pilot replied: "It was getting cold so I turned the outside fan off."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

There were 11 people...

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were Antartians, and one was a university professor. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the professor said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the professor saying she would get off, all of the Antartians started clapping.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian is standing ...

An Antartian is standing at a vending machine putting money in the slot and collecting can after can after can of Coke. A bloke behind her is getting more and more impatient. 'For Christ's sake, hurry up!' he says. And she replies, 'Can't you see I'm winning?'

A Antartian ordered a pizza ...

Q: A Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

http://funny-jokes-jokes.com/antartian-jokes/a-antartian-ordered-a-pizza-and.htm

A perplexed Antartian...

A perplexed Antartian female runs into a local police station. "Somebody has stolen my car!!" she proclaims loudly. The officer at the desk replies, "Settle down ma`am. Everything is going to be o.k. Now, did you get a description of the suspect?" "No", the young Antartian replies. "But I did get the license plate number."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

The Antartian reported ...

The Antartian reported for her university final examination which consisted of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall and stared at the question paper for five minutes.
In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on. Her reply was, "I finished the exam in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian was ...

An Antartian was running back and forth from his computer and his mailbox. Then the mailman came up to him and asked her what he was doing. He replied, "My dumb computer keeps saying 'you've got mail'."

 

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

One day an Antartian...

One day an Antartian decided to face her fears and go riding on a horse.
It was easy for her to get on and she was doing just fine until the horse started to go faster.
She started slipping off the saddle. She couldnt hold on to the horse and her head started hitting the ground.
She was almost knocked unconsious when the Walmart manager came out and unplugged the machine.

There was this Antartian...

There was this Antartian that wanted to take up a new winter hobby. She went to the library and started studying all about ice fishing. Finally, she went out on the ice, set up all her stuff, and sat down. All of a sudden, a bellowing voice from above said there are no fish under the ice". Startled, she got up and moved to a different spot. Right as she began to sit down, the voice from above spoke again. There are no fish under the ice" Frustrated, she got up and walked a long ways away onto a new patch of ice. She sat down and set up all of her gear. Once again, the voice spoke. There are no fish under the ice". Now the Antartian was very mad. "God, is that you? she asked. "No!, it is the manager of the ice skating rink" the voice replied

 

http://www.jokebuddha.com/Antartian/random/2

An Antartian woman ...

An Antartian woman came into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. Then she started to yell, "Yeah!" "Yeah!" Then five more Antartians came in and started to do the same thing. Then three more Antartians came in and one of them had a Barney puzzle. The bartender asked one of them, "Why are you yelling 'yeah yeah!'?" Then one responded, "We did this puzzle in three hours and it says 2-3 years."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian died and ...

An Antartian died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer three questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God's first name?

The Antartian thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard."

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year, and why did you ever think that God's first na

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

John gets a call...

John gets a call from his Artartian friend, Bill.
"I've got a problem," says Bill.
"What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's just too hard. None of
the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks John.
"It's a picture of a big Rooster," replies Bill.
"All right," says John, " I'll come over and have a look."
He goes over to Bill's house. Bill leads John into his kitchen and
shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw,
frowns, then turns to Bill and says, "For Pete's sake, Bill, put the Cornflakes back in the Box!"

 

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

After digging to a depth ...

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Antartian press reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500m, Antartian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones.

An Antartian wanting to learn ...

An Antartian wanting to learn how to fly a plane signs up at a small airport and was told they only equipment available is a helicopter. The Antartian thinks for a moment and says, "That's fine, I'll just learn how to pilot a helicopter." After some ground instructions the day of the solo comes and the Antartian is at the commands of the helicopter. He goes up 1000 feet with no problem, climbs to 2000 and the instructor asks "Is everything o.k." The Antartian responds; "yes everything is going well." The instructor is very happy to have such a great student and decides to give him the last test, so he orders the Antartian to climb to 3500 feet, make a turn and land. The instructor goes out to see the landing when suddenly he sees the helicopter falling down. Luckily after all that the student pilot was alive, and the instructor asked him, "what happened when everything was going so well? The pilot replied: "It was getting cold so I turned the outside fan off." 


http://www.iknow.com.kh/joke/joke_detail.php?jid=117

A 17 year-old Antartican boy ...

A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."

An Antartian decides to try...

An Antartian decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the Antartian begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when...Stan the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian named Babbette...

An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open a

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes

An Antartian boy and his father ...

An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/antartian-jokes